• Me when my kid is crying: Don’t cry for me, Argentinaaaaaaaaaaa….
  • Me when my kids are helping me clean: IT’S THE HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR US
  • Me eating breakfast with my kids: The other one’s still the toast of the town ‘cause he made butter outta cream…
  • Me playing hide and go seek with my kids: SO IF YOU CARE TO FIND ME, LOOOOOK TO THE WESTERN SKY!!
  • Me waking my kids up in the morning: Maybe we can frighten away the ghost of so many years with a little ILLUMINATION *flicks on lights*
  • Me when my kid has a crush: SHE’S IN LOOOOOOVEEEEEEE, SHE’S IN LOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
  • Me when my kid tries to run away: THEREEEEE, OUT IN THE DARKNESSSSSS… A FUGITIVE RUNNINGGGG…
  • Me giving my kids advice: If you only follow your heart…
  • Me when my kid gets their first boyfriend/girlfriend: OMIGOD OMIGOD YOU GUYS
  • Me when my kids are mad at me: TAKE ME BAAAABBBYYYYYYY, OR LEAVE MEEEEEEEE
  • Me giving my kids ‘the talk’: Once there was a night, beneath a moonless sky…
  • Me when my kids start driving: GOOOOOO GREASE LIGHTNING YOU BURNING UP THE QUARTER MILEEEEEEE
  • Me when my kids go off to college: Empty chairs and empty tables, where my friends will meet no more…
  • 11:04 pm  •  21 September 2014  •  6,047 notes

    chocolaty:

    *tries to sound intimidating* *stutters*

    10:47 pm  •  21 September 2014  •  9,140 notes
  • how to prepare for exams: cry
  • 10:46 pm  •  21 September 2014  •  481,829 notes

    itsbetterthananal:

    my dad just yelled up the stairs “CHLOE DID YOU KNOW THE WEATHERMAN WAS GAY I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS GAY HE JUST GOT MARRIED TO HIS BOYFRIEND” and i was like which weatheman are we talking about here and he said “THE BLONDE ONE WITH THE SHARP HAIR CUT AND THE TIGHT PECS AND THE HOT ASS BODY” dad is there something you want to tell me

    10:46 pm  •  21 September 2014  •  181,343 notes

    dolphinboy420:

    hey girl are u from china because im china get the hell away from you

    (Source: bluelava3)

    10:43 pm  •  21 September 2014  •  161,539 notes

    im gonna be hot in a few years i swear

    (Source: mattressblowoutsale)

    2:43 pm  •  21 September 2014  •  448,884 notes

    guacamolic:

    my anaconda don’t
    my anaconda don’t
    my anaconda don’t want none unless you are fiscally responsible and mature enough to take care of yourself

    2:42 pm  •  21 September 2014  •  24,116 notes